I Need Green Arrow
On Thursday Isaac and I did our annual trip to Kimball Farm to ride bumper boats. All went smoothly until as I was unpacking the car, I realized I had forgotten Ned the Shark. Isaac has a cadre of stuff animals, all of whom must be present for him to go to sleep. Its kind of a pain in the butt, but he has been such a good sleeper since he was born that we don't mess it with. Plus, its hard to answer him when he asks things like "If you love me why don't you sleep in my room with me?" I did a mea culpa right away and he took it like a champ. I was so proud of him I was determined to make it up to him. I told him, because he was such a good boy, I'd get him a special treat--the Green Arrow Imaginext figure.
I hadn't made this promise willy nilly. Oh I checked online inventory at a local Target and they claimed to have a dozen or so Green Arrows. But the next day when I arrived there was nary a Green Arrow to be found. Not a single one, except for one in a display case showing off the full range of Imaginext super heroes. Thinking the stock issue was a glitch or they had some in the back (the last refuge of a desparate parent), I asked the very young Target employee for help. Here is the verbatim conversation that ensued:
ME: Hey I can't find any Green Arrow figures.
Guy: Let me see.
He roots around all of the displays, which I just looked through and found none.
Guy: Well it looks like we don't have any.
ME: The online stock checker said you have dozens. Maybe they are in the back.
Guy: Oh no, they aren't. Whatever we have is out on the floor.
ME: Well the inventory thing says you have a bunch.
Guy: All of the Imaginext figures have the same SKU so the inventory checker just knows how many figures we have, not which ones.
Undaunted by this stupid fact, I pressed on.
ME: Well, I see there is a Green Arrow in the display case right there. Maybe you could crack that open and sell me that one.
Guy: I can't do that sir, its part of a display.
ME: I know, but let's work together.
Guy: I really can't.
ME: What if I bribed you and made it worth your while.
Guy: Sorry sir, I really can't.
At this point I was okay, he was just doing his job, but then he went a step too far.
Guy: What does it really matter? Its just a toy?
ME: Its not just a toy. Its not about the toy at all. Its about my three and half year old son's happiness. I want that Green Arrow.
Guy: I just can't help you.
ME: How old are you?
Guy: 21.
ME: You have any kids?
Guy: No, but I have a lot of brothers and sisters that are younger than me.
ME: That's not the same. Listen, ten or fifteen years from now you are going to have kids and you are going to be in a store just like I am and you are going to be looking for the perfect toy for one of your kids. When you look back on today you will understand my complusion. You will get why I am pushing. Do your future self a favor, and help me out. You future self won't have to look back on today and realize that you did the wrong thing. Let's work together here, and you open up that display case.
Guy: I really can't.
With that, I was done. I had no choice but to buy, God forbid, Aquaman. In about six seconds Isaac opened the package, asked me what his superpowers were (I made up a few because his real super powers are stupid), lost Aquaman, but kept Roboshark, the toy shark that came with him. I have since ordered Green Arrow from a toy shop on Amazon that has separate SKUs.
To the guy from Target--you failed. Your future self will be disappointed in you. And yes, I am ashamed of my behavior. But not that ashamed. Have you seen how cute Isaac is?